Monday, February 23, 2009

Major Economic Meltdown Imminent - Baker & McKenzie LLP Needs My Money

Well, I understand the poor folks at Baker & McKenzie LLP are in need of funds to keep their globalist law firm operation going. After making a staggering $1 billion profit in 2007, they're headed for hard times as the global meltdown is nearing.

These poor people are in need of money, any they can get their paws on would help. Their hard-up employees are terrified of losing their jobs and many have lost 1/3 of their retirement accounts thus far. Because of the laws, employees vested in an employer's 401K plan can't access their funds until the age of 59 1/2. What this means is as long as they work for such employer, if the stock m
arket crashes, they will lose everything they've worked for the past few decades. If they choose any permitted withdrawal (if their plan allows it - many don't) it's considered much like a loan and they will be taxed on it as income along with interest charges. They're totally screwed.

Poor Little Darlings Need More of My Charitable Contributions.

The tales of woe over not being able to afford $500 SUV payments and related towing charges brought acts of charity from coworkers for a preordained princess legal secretary without children or any real burdens in life. Now these attorneys, seeing how oppressed their employees are with the economic situation, are asking for more money to help. It will be interesting how this Baker and other law firms readjust after the US economy and eventually the world economy collapses. For now, they need money so I'm going to send a check from my Wells Fargo account before the bank collapses due to it being insolvent and before they start asking for my precious metals. Poor things!

A check's in the mail soon Baker, help is on the way! I already provided $100 to various charities at the firm and know my continual donations are needed, probably even beyond the grave. Don't worry, I won't let the latest tear jerker Humane Society puppy mill video tap out all my charitable spirit.

Along with a check, I'll also include a sample of my homemade fruit granola and beef jerky I've been making in the droves with my new food dehydrator.