Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Disengaging From and Exposing Malignant Narcissists

I think my former gay friend I broke off with a few months ago, John, is a narcissist. I keep getting invitations from Linkedln for his business network as one example. He never apologized for what I believed to be serious violations against my wishes not to meet nor become involved with his criminal element lover who stole his credit card. Yet one day around Christmas, he casually introduced me as I walked from the store, while pointing me out to someone he had spoken of as potentially dangerous. I literally spent hours on the phone with John during his hard times with this guy. He had me convinced he wasn't seeing him anymore.

After I expressed to John how upset I was at this unappreciated introduction, I received no apology. Later, when I came across John in the stairwell of our building, he made no attempt to apologize. The past few months he had come over for dinner on Saturday nights. We had taken walks together around town. We even attended parties for the holidays together!

So now after I broke off with John, I'm receiving invitations to his business network? At first I thought it was a mistake, but the fact is I keep getting follow-up emails. I've since deduced John only cares about himself, that I was being used all along. He's not a huge narcissist, but enough of one to come to my attention to possibly cause me a liability with his criminal friend.

Five years ago I helped John move into my building who the building manager most likely wouldn't have allowed to move in without my recommendation. Since then, he's caused her a few problems. She had to replace one of his window screens his criminal friend damaged from hanging out smoking on the fire escape. He's also insisted on giving the building's front door key to his creepy dangerous friend and allowing him to raid the garage for the free used stuff we set out.

Disengage ASAP at the Earliest Signs of Being Used by a Narcissist

One of my main weaknesses in life has been cooperating with narcissists and not standing up to them. In the past I've been far too nice and cooperative with my enemies to assist in sabotaging my life. I tried getting back in one's face, a roommate, in 1999 and I got a 3 foot restraining order for it. You have to know how to stand up to these people without getting into trouble. One of their tricks is always making it look like you're the one with the problem.

It's important when you recognize who your enemies are, to no longer cooperate with them. If that means exploiting their vulnerabilities after they caused you a lot of harm, then so be it. For instance, in my last post I disclosed a former supervisor deliberately set me up and enjoyed my continual devastation in my coming up short for a job as a temp-to-perm candidate. She had a huge fat behind that was disproportionate with the rest of her body obvious to everyone as she behaved on the level of a teenager in high school. She took pleasure in sabotaging me at a law firm where I had invested 5 months of my life to obtain a job I had originally only committed 4 weeks to. Therefore, she has forever become Ms. Fat Ass on this blog.

I've noted the smallest things will set a narcissist off:
  • If I don't cooperate in giving my full attention and servitude to their liking, they will somehow seek revenge. Narcissistic women in particular are this way.

  • I'm in an everyday conversation and all they talk about is themselves having little regard for me. If they do ask about me, it's scripted and designed to humiliate. For instance, they've rambled on about their grandiose life accomplishments and even request I look them up on Google! They then immediately follow-up to ask what I've done in my life.

  • If I unintentionally cross female narcissists in the smallest way, who most often occupy management positions, they will lash out by getting me unjustly fired or holding an unreasonable grudge. Men tend to be less obvious, they will more likely withdraw and punish in other ways.

It's important to recognize these kind of narcissists right away and disengage from them if possible. They will sucker you in only to exploit and use up your life. They don't care anything about you whatsoever. After they're done with you, they will discard you like a piece of garbage.

Both my parents were narcissists. Such is why I've gravitated towards serving narcissists and because they know how to keep their victims hooked on believing they have something genuine to offer in return. I want to preface I don't believe former actress Kristy McNichol as someone I adored and designed a website about in 2003, to be a one of these extreme narcissists I'm referring to on this blog. I'm certain from the evidence that KM doesn't want to be worshipped or adored by people, just to be treated as an ordinary citizen.

normal for many of us to have some characteristics of narcissism due to the culture we live in. What I'm referring to in this blog is the extreme cases often referred to as "malignant narcissists." They cause a lot of damage to people's lives and should be exposed whenever possible. Though John isn't a MN, he has enough of a problem to pose a potential liability which is why I feel justified in ending my friendship with him.