This fearful life all began when I was in the womb of an unwed mother in 1959, my father being a young television musician with a conservative organization that would be forced to fire and thereby disgrace him over such a scandal. They later told me I was nearly an abortion which was quite rare in those days.
Nearly four years later on December 14, 1963 a dam broke in Baldwin Hills, CA having destroyed everything while taking my cat away with it. See, 50th Anniversary of Baldwin Hills Dam Break - Los Angeles Times
After this flood my life became continually fearful not understanding why people behaved so abnormally. Why did young boys throw rocks at our home? Why did my parents fight so much late at night? Why was my father always away? What was that fierce windstorm on a small boat in the middle of Lake Tahoe all about while I was left to myself in the back seat when I was 5? What was that 6.5 earthquake all about?
I was also under demonic based spiritual attacks due to the occult practices of my mother that was the trends of the 1960's of seances, Ouji boards, table levitation, automatic writing which had all followed attending Catholic services of memories of dark confession rooms with creepy little priests behind screens listening to my ramble on about the sins I had committed at the age of six. This all heightened my level of anxiety.
The questions continued, why were there bullies giving me problems at school? Why did my parents nearly abandon and hide from me at Disneyland and on bike rides in the Village Green riding away in laughter? I recall peddling as fast as I could while they gradually faded from sight ahead of me. Why did the new bike with a sissy bar I earned doing chores get stolen at school? I'd get the wind knocked out of me for lunch money and no one was there to explain anything about life at all. Furthermore, the instant sea monkeys I was given couldn't talk.
In high school I recall heading for the nurses office for a lunch hour nap rather than facing the social pressures of being observed alone. I liked being by myself but it wasn't acceptable at all.
I now view myself as having been much like a scared little animal not knowing how to deal with the dangerous spiritual forces that were very foreboding and aggressive. That all changed when I became a saved Christian thanks to Jesus' work at the cross and later restoration and redemption. Since last year I've learned there's nothing to fear of Satan, his demons and followers because Jesus defeated them at the cross 2,000 years ago. They're just hanging around trying to bring human beings with them to hell prior to the Final Judgment.
So now when I wake up in the middle of the night feeling some evil presence near me in bed that wants to suffocate me, without any problem at all I simply rebuke Satan and bind him in the name of Jesus. I did this a few nights ago and it was as simple as breathing. The evil entity instantly departed as though I had reached over to turn on a light in the darkness.
Pastor Chip Ingram's book The Invisible War - What Every Believer Needs to Know About Satan, Demons and Spiritual Warfare has helped educate me on how to effectively deal through Jesus with demonic entities and Satan's network of evil inspired followers.
Since I've learned the basics of spiritual warfare this past year, I've come to discover a sense of the peace and presence of God through the Holy Spirit. Satan's no match for the power and authority of Jesus! I've since prayed about this terrible problem I've had of anxiety I accepted as a normal condition throughout life that He's been answering with resources, support and healing. Needless to say after years of dry eyes I've been doing a lot of tear shedding each morning when I pray to God out of gratefulness for relief of this problem.
The Word of God promises many things and only by listening, reading and praying can one
understand God's with us at all times with unlimited resources to offer. God's a comforter, our Creator who knows our needs. It's become clear Satan continues to want to take what God has freely given to me. Whenever someone takes what God has given freely to me through my faith especially He's aware so I have nothing to worry about. Whatever is taken from me is taken from God Himself since everything I have now belongs to Him.
God's my protector and I follow Jesus. The only thing I fear now is God Himself. The spiritual battle's already been won for my life, now I want to help others find their way through Jesus.