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Saturday, February 21, 2015

Was I A Vindictive Person Before Jesus Saved Me? Does a Bear Do That In The Woods?

I don't understand what all the big deal is about men researching me on the Internet who don't even know me who seem to want to take issue with my possibly being a vindictive person. I get emails from their assessment of my situation after what they read.  Just as the author of the blog or comments, they too have never met me.

For the record, I want to answer questions of who might come to this blog after reading complete strangers' writings. I've never denied I was ever a vindictive woman.  I certainly was!

I've done all kinds of vindictive and self destructive things throughout my life and have had an unruly poisonous tongue at times because I was a hell bound rebellious person.  By nature I wasn't vindictive but I won't go into reasons why I became that way because they're only excuses for my not turning to God and His Word. When it comes to God and His Word he doesn't argue with us or accept any excuses because Jesus did it all for us at the cross suffering for our sins. We have God's Word as a blueprint for how to live our lives on earth prior to eternity.

I Was Confused About Myself Due To Cultural Influences And A Dysfunctional Family

For many years I had falsely believed myself to be a lesbian that caused men to want to burn me in corporate America.  Men high up on the corporate ladder wanted me to play the woman scorned role and continually placed me in  torment,  They provoked me through their own sin and, because I wasn't rooted in God's Word, namely the wisdom of Solomon's proverbs at the time, I had no foundation on how to react and behave.  I just responded whichever way the wind blew my fancy!  I shouldn't have reacted especially since putting things in writing is highly problematic when people can interpret things however they so please.  I never stalked anyone physically, I just wrote letters. I wouldn't follow anyone around or stare at them and that is the lie that was often litigated against me I took issue with.

So yes I was a vindictive person with a wicked out-of-control heart especially after I read the lies written about me on the Internet because I took myself too seriously. I was especially self righteous believing I was right and others wrong. I had remnants of witchcraft running through my veins from how I was raised as a child.  Jesus is in my life now and I know the Holy Spirit's working on ridding me of this and other issues forever. In fact, I know I'm being cleansed of this sin that will be completely removed from His memory when His work's been completed in my life.


Sandi Smith calls social media "Satan's Playground" where
drama runs rampant to distract us from God. Sandi's began studying the Bible back in 1978 whose been teaching on social media the past 7 years.

Jesus took a bucket of water and put out the flames.  The flames are occasionally triggered by comments I read on the Internet and, as Sandi Smith recently did, I need to get off Satan's playground on social media and stop spending my time there.  Sandi Smith is a true Christian who has shared a
lot about her walk with Jesus and taught the past seven years who I began listening to in 2012. Sandi's now moving on because of all the drama that happens on social media that's Satan's device to distract.

Whatever's been written about me way back in 2007 by complete strangers who were never in my personal life, were men who wanted to burn me for my view of former San Francisco Chronicle Sex Sado/Masochist Sex writer Violet Blue for my combative spirit towards their attempt to dominate me.   I responded with two lawsuits, one I won by default, another I lost because I didn't know how to proceed after a motion to quash revealed another was involved through identity theft.

Yes I Was A Vindictive Person!

It's true I was vindictive and wanted revenge at times in my life that Satan had influenced my mind and thoughts  It's true I carried it too far with a lawsuit in 2009 and gave these strangers far too much attention of my time. It's true I made some presumptions that turned out to be false, such as the identity of the man who sent me an email who was committing unlawful identity theft of another. But I maintain the two men involved were malicious in their activities, provocative, harassing and perverted that there was a psy-op being used to entrap me for a specific purpose.  These weren't innocent men and I did not bear false witness because it was a manipulative scripted psy-op designed to cover-up for themselves.  I gave this man two opportunities to contact me after two warning letters of the lawsuit. I offered him $1,000 to take down a blog he later proved he had influence over in having it taken down once. He was involved and had a long history of his own vindictive activities and tricks.

Yes Jesus Saved Me After a Bike Accident In Late 2012

Jesus saved me from the devil's tricks and I'm a saved Christian now.  I forgive my enemies, pray for them and move on in life.  I don't Google myself nor care what anyone writes about me on the Internet anymore.  I'm no longer a singer and the musical notation I read is in God's Word.



While Sandi Smith began studying the Bible in 1978, 

I was singing this as my first solo with the PVHS Jazz Choir


Yes I Was A Fool!

Yes I was a sinner, yes I harbored anger and ill will for my enemies. Yes I was vindictive filing lawsuits out of my emotionally unhealthy condition, yes I lacked patience with the situation, yes I made bad decisions, yes I didn't seek God, yes I let the devil have a foothold in my life and heart. Yes I was a fool to fall into Satan's trap.  Fools rush in, do they not?

Yes God Is Faithful and Patient With Me!

God is faithful and patient with me that my life's been redeemed and is healing. I have a relationship with Jesus now.  I look back and see it was all my own fault, I've always caused my own problems! It doesn't matter what anyone writes if you're life's right with Jesus. Jesus is there to listen to my prayers 24/7 and answers them because I repented of my sins and turned to Him.  I yielded and surrendered my failed life to God for Him to take over.  My wicked heart has been replaced with the Holy Spirit that directs my life through God's Word.  I don't follow my foolish deceptive heart anymore that God's Word said is flawed and unreliable.

I take small steps each day of following God in obedience reading his Word that I love, praying to Him, tithing and striving to be of good service and helpful to others.  I memorize Scriptures, meditate on them and listen to the Word being taught by Dr. Charles Stanley and Dr. David Jeremiah who send me their teachings each month as well.

I Am No Longer On A Broad Path In Life

I'm on a narrow path and I pray for all of my enemies and forgive all who have hurt or offended me whether intentional or not.  I noted big problems happen from our imaginations and delusions.  God's Word is rooted in truth.

I Forgive and Pray For My Enemies!

So I hope this answers the burning questions about me, yes I was a vindictive person to a certain degree who had a problem with anger. No one's life was in danger but I was angry about what was happening to me back then I felt was unfair.  I felt cheated in life and I began to retaliate through law civilly. Because of my metaphoric blog about one of the strangers, it was misinterpreted and used against me in court often out of context.  So if anyone wants to think of me that way, you're right I was vindictive.  Just know I now make it a priority to forgive anyone who may or may not have wronged me.  Forgiveness is one of the necessary keys to a Christian's life. God has been good to me throughout my life, I caused my own problems out of ignorance of His Word.

I Accept All Promises God Offers In His Word

I do accept all God's eternal gifts and promises and redeem my life through Jesus.  I have full understanding of who and what Satan is and I'm no longer fooled by his counterfeit activities.

I won't be answering any further questions, this is an official closure on the lawsuits of 2009-10.