Thursday, February 25, 2016

Cry Me A River! God Wants You To Know Why You're Not My Victim

Cry Me A River Sandi Smith!
It wasn't too long after we moved up to the wealthy conservative community of Palos Verdes Estates California back in 1971 from Baldwin Hills, CA that my mother started my local house cleaning career for her Japanese friend who moved up to the area along with us. "You can use my daughter's cleaning skills," mother offered in return for keeping her friendship alive. I'd go up to the lady's house and clean a huge home that was far nicer then our own. The home must have had four bedrooms and a huge kitchen I had to clean each Saturday afternoon. Not only did I have to clean her friend's house but mother's tri-level home as well. Never ever did I consider saying no to my mother, I had no choice in the matter. I wasn't asked "will you please do this for me?"  I was told to do it so I obeyed.

My Exciting New Career in Palos Verdes Estates Cleaning Homes and Ironing Clothes for Wealthy Neighbors Begins

Thus my house cleaning career began in my early teens with my mother wanting to either keep or make new friends in the community. Next I was being loaned out to our new next door neighbor, Nancy McCarthy, a mother with a baby, when I had just started high school. Instead of studying or practicing my viola or developing my vocal singing talent, mother leased me out to local community to make a name for herself apparently. I know this because Mrs. McCarthy once complained to mother I didn't iron her clothes well.

Think for a minute about this, your next door neighbor's teenager apparently tried her best to iron your paramedic husband's clothes for cheap by coming into your wealthy ocean view home (today the home's worth $2.5 million) to offer you a service. You complained to the girl's mother about it? Who in their right mind would expect a 14 year old to iron your husband's clothes like a professional? How insensitive to the child, and I don't care what you say, 14 years old is still coming out of childhood. No one ever taught me how to starch the shirts, I never told anyone I could iron well being assigned to it as a added bonus. That was the first hint I got of the brutality of wealthy people who expected perfection from 14 year olds they paid dirt cheap to do their ironing and housecleaning for them.

Wealthy Community Received Inexpensive Childhood Labor 

The money I made from these P.V. community's home cleaning chores and babysitting was anywhere from $1.50/hr to $3.50 recall. Meanwhile my brain was fading away at a young age and math skills were non-existent. Music theory was on the level of junior high school knowledge in spite of a dad who seemed to want to keep music theory a secret.

Parents didn't care of the dangers of riding a moped
I recall each weekend for a year I'd clean the home of a stroke victim that his wife would hire me to vacuum, dust and clean the house. The money went towards things like my purchasing a $400 moped to get to these jobs easier because my parents wouldn't offer me a lift.  So why is it mother didn't get a job and help? Why was it I had to do all the chores, even clean their garages and wash their cars (they paid me for this particular chore since it saved them money), trim the bush hedges? Because these people were godless, soulless sinners who had no care for me or my future. Even after I left home mother was trying to get me to do petty chores for her friends, like the heavy smoker who worked near my new job at C. Itoh Electronics in Mar Vista, CA. Mother offered to pay me some pittance to clean their company's blinds from the smoke. I felt so continually humiliated by this person still trying to hinder me with her petty cleaning projects.

In the mind of these parents, my future was slated to be a low class criminal no matter what I did because I was born out-of wedlock to a Hollywood television musician guitarist Buddy Merrill who had a forced civil marriage to accommodate my birth in the public eye. These people both looked down on me as a spoiled little princess and burden that needed to be continually put to work for them.

I can't recall how many times I was dumped on my grandparents for parental trips to Hawaii, San Francisco and on the neighbors in Baldwin Hills, CA who I was told to call Aunt Marge, Uncle George and Aunt Pat. These were just neighbors and none of them had children to play with. Aunt Pat was even invited to my high school graduation ceremony though she hadn't visited in nearly a decade. Who was she? Why wasn't I told she would be coming as the only one who wanted to attend? Not even grandparents wanted to come to my high school graduation and my parents left early without offering me a ride home.  How do they think they made me feel? They didn't care if I died.

Cleaning Homes For Wealthy Parents of High School Peers - Excruciating Psychological Intimidation

In the 1970's I worked hard to please the local community of Palos Verdes Estates, and there was at least one customer I had through the P.V. youth work program in 1976 who summoned me to clean for my classmate's home. I recall one summer day when Tory Baer had her beautiful friend Corriene over, when I was scolded for not answering her phone for her. That's right, "Cheryl, why didn't you get the phone?", Tory rudely demanded as I was busy cleaning the kitchen. I was too scared to respond. On another summer day that waited for me to play in the sunshine, I was too busy cleaning under the Baer's grimy refrigerator. How humiliating was that? Horrible. Meanwhile their son Don was out driving his car going to the beach. For this I received $2.50 an hour at two hours of cleaning.  My peers got an allowance for simply existing, many times were even given new sports cars, while I was treated like the community's slave.  I had low self esteem and was frightened of virtually everyone I felt inferior to in every way like some stray dog no one wanted.

My parents were cruel and unloving. What kind of mother would pass along a complaint I didn't iron the neighbor's shirts well? What kind of neighbor would bother to complain over some teen's best effort to iron her husband's shirts? I genuinely worked hard for people wanting to please.  What kind of father would let his daughter be the community slave?  Tell me about any 14 year old in the U.S. who can press shirts nicely without being taught how? No one would give me a break.  Meanwhile my poor puli dog Kelly was being given brutal walks by mother who hung her in the air by her collar over the slightest misstep. I would have preferred to be walking my dog I played with as a kid, but with all the work I had before me, I forgot about my dog my mother was abusing. The dog later went blind and deaf.

I've been in many homes of families up in Palos Verdes Estates, CA. I must have had at least 15 client homes I cleaned while going to high school. Yet I was never accused of stealing anything. This includes homes I regularly babysat. I had a good work ethic and was proud to pay for my own things earing my own clothing, viola lessons, stereo and moped.  Meanwhile, these parents were stressing me out, calling me downstairs to meetings where they gawked at me as a problem, cigarettes lit in their smoky dimly lit den. Never mind their long winded loud angry fights at 2:00 am that caused my sister Melody to threaten suicide, they were never the cause of whatever problems they perceived in me. It was all my fault. I was even attacked while doing my dish cleaning chores after dinner. What kind of parent attacks their child, going for her throat, while they're doing a chore for them? How delusional! What kind of parent does that? The devil, that's who! A red headed devil monster who saw herself as Lucille Ball. I wasn't laughing. Or the time I was 17 having come home 20 minutes late after curfew that I was chased around the table by some angry red headed beast.  I was rarely late, I was a very obedient daughter for fear of being killed.

Only Seeing The Worst In One's Daughter Is a Crime of Godless Neglect and Abuse

1995 in Los Angeles
Imagine a couple of parents who never insisted on attending their 15 year old daughter's dinner party engagement where everyone applauded her for receiving a Best Freshman award in the orchestra as a violist? People were clapping for me that evening while my parents were at home watching television having missed a wonderful dinner at the Princess Louise Ship in Redondo Beach.  Imagine a father, who played guitar for Lawrence Welk 20 years, having shown up late to the only solo singing performance his daughter, 18 had ever partaken in, walked out of for lack of a seat.  Any real father would have stood in the back cheering on his daughter, but not this angry rebellious person who never wanted to be my dad! He put me through so much with his angry wife taking out her frustrations on for his absence and cheating on her, these two wanted to destroy my life, my future because of their failed marriage!

This absent father never considered all of his chores I did on his behalf while he was on the road, nor my having to bear the humiliation of appearing on the Lawrence Welk Show at 13 years old forced to perform some stupid "spoons" amateur rhythm routine with my sister on national television when I could have done a singing performance to showcase my talent. We spent 30 minutes learning how to play spoons and then went on National television!  Repeatedly humiliating one's daughter and providing zero support was the best this man could ever do. So go figure why today Jesus Christ is my Savior, because God's very real to me.

P.V.H.S. Orchestra 1975
That's the family I was raised in that didn't give a hoot if my grades were below par they used against me as if I was a future criminal element, that they treated me like their dumb slave. Imagine a mother who called a high school to complain her daughter believed she could sing, that why was the school encouraging it by letting her into its jazz choir? I'm sure the school's counselor was shocked over this phone call I overheard. I was scared to death, imagine your own parents wanting you to fail, to parish and be destroyed because they had you out of wedlock they never wanted you in the first place? Their attitude towards me was absolutely abusive, a huge dark cloud that never went away never getting better. . .ever!

A Maternity Home in Los Angeles Is Where It All Began

They wanted me disgraced all of my life because I was born to them unwed in 1960 where my mother began raising me in a maternity home for women in Los Angeles. I was marked for life by these Hollywood T.V. career people as a future failure and criminal no matter how hard I worked or what awards I had won. They pegged me as an unwanted burden all of my life and I've been alone bearing the burden of this cruel abusive family that never loved nor cared for me whatsoever because they were Satanists into the occult. I once visited them in 1981 given some cheap drug store candle in an unwrapped shoe box for my 21st birthday.  I was later invited for a ride on Thanksgiving in Hemet to my grandparents mobile home and they didn't talk to me hardly at all. There in their mobile home, I was placed at the children's table, yet there were no children there. Later I visited my sister in the hospital after she was hit by a car and she virtually ignored me. These people weren't my family.

Real Parents Would Have Been Happy With Me

Guys are treated better in America
Back in 1976 I had to fight for the right to attend the scholarship provided for the U.S.C. music camp award I had received from the P.V.H.S. orchestra. Once again my parents were AWOL staying at home to watch television like a couple of zombies, never insisting on attending the dinner award party. Later I was told I couldn't go to the music camp. Why? Because my parents claimed they planned for a family vacation in Yosemite trying to make it appear they were treating me well. They didn't want me to attend the U.S.C. music camp scholarship I was provided, imagine that! I was being treated like a criminal they didn't trust to stay alone in their house a few days so I could be given a ride to the camp after they left for vacation. I was a 17 year old by that time whom they didn't trust whatsoever and they were always highly suspicious of my secretive nature. Who could be open with people such as these? Don't doubt for one minute my belongings weren't gone through, no stone was left unturned, even my albums were secretly listened to, letters sent to me read I had hidden away. I never had any peace because the devil ruled the household.


Excuse Me But A Pattern's Formed - Allow Me To Make This Clear

I've done a lot of house cleaning for wealthy and middle class women in my life as well as having worked for many wealthy people in Corporate America and at law firms.  I've noticed a pattern of women believing they're better then me, on a higher level in life then myself that I'm invisible except for services and their criticism, judgment and ultimate disposal. My very own mother treated me like a criminal no matter how hard I worked or what awards I won. I observe how well taken care of these women are and no man ever offered to take care of me that way because I didn't have a college education. The good men are taken by the college educated women so I've been stuck with having to provide endless services to people all of my life.

Notary public work's a breeze, a no brainer for me I appreciate the opportunity to do.  I've done my share of hard labor in life and my health and age prohibits me from pushing myself ever like that again. So pardon my appearance of having an easy spoiled life living in Nob Hill San Francisco because it's not at all accurate. I haven't owned a car since 1986, I ride around on an electric bicycle in dangerous traffic conditions every day. I've never owned a home. My last boyfriend was in 1983.

Huge Pompous Weddings, Their Arrogance is Unbelievable - Status Means Everything!

So when I recently observed Josiah Smith, 25, who divorced his foreign wife shortly after a huge pompous ceremony he put everyone through, that one year later he was sleeping upstairs as his 51 year old mother shoveled snow at 3:00 am, I felt pity.  Pity for a man who can't take care of himself that he relies on his mother to risk her life alone at night out in the cold during the worst snow storm in Pennsylvania's history.

So when Sandi Smith, a FB acquaintance who invited me to her social network, was allowing her son to totally take advantage of her, I was reminded how much men get away with while the women are falsely accusatory of me as if I'm responsible for their victimization. My bringing to light how spoiled these men are, how they have all the support in the world yet I suddenly become a "slanderer" for calling the son an idiot. Well if I were the son I'd admit what an idiot I was for allowing my 51 year old mother to shovel snow she took a video of as I slept at 3:00 am. I would admit I was an idiot for napping the next day too as my mother needed my assistance digging snow again. I've been listening to Michael Savage lately and the word idiot's used many times in  his radio broadcasts.  The term "idiot" isn't a big deal when you really are being idiot and is certainly isn't slander under the circumstances. Hey idiot, get out of bed and help your mother dig snow whom you're living off of.


Men Acting More Like Women  - The Pussification of America


Crying Wolf - Those Who Feel Entitlement

I wanted to report I've supported the wives of these men much of my life doing their chores for them into my late 20's even, providing services over the years that I noted their husbands are out enjoying life much, e.g., jet setting to their football games during the holidays leaving their wives to tend to chopping wood alone, shoveling snow alone, while I get the blame for pointing out something's wrong. Something's wrong in some of their marriages and I'm not going to fly out to their homes to shovel the snow or cut fire wood for their dumb ass husbands and lazy sons who left them with the work to do. These spoiled men are looking for harems, layers of women, to support their lazy sports spectator, video game lifestyles whom they care little to nothing of their emotional needs.

These men are spiritual weaklings who don't take care of their wives, that I always have to fill in the gap that I get blamed in some way for the wife's victimization. This pattern happens over and over again. I'm not responsible for your marital problems you're clearly in denial about. Look, if you're going to put all the facts up on YouTube, people will notice.

You And Your Evil Flying Monkeys!

Turn back to the Lord, all of you so called Christian mothers treating me like I'm beneath you. How dare I point out how spoiled rotten your pitiful son is living off of you after one year of a failed marriage. I saw that video you shot of him finally shoveling snow for you like a girl after I mentioned how heartless the men of your household were! Stop blaming me for your husband's neglect, your son's failed one year marriage.  Focus on your own problems and stop blaming me for pointing out how uniquely spoiled the men of your household clearly are.

I forgive and will pray for you, but just know I'm not to blame, call off the evil flying monkey friends of yours who claim to be Christ loving women and stop playing my victim! Your not my victim! I haven't abused you!  I can't come visit to tend to your chores. Stop spoiling the men in your household as if they're princes and kings!

The pattern: Spoiled men who rely on women to keep their ego game going in life, to sail on through having it easy. Men want layers upon layers of women supporting them on the level of a hierarchical harem so they can have an easy life living like kings. They fly to and fro like jet setter millionaires wanting all the freedom in the world while women are chained up at home chopping wood, shoveling snow needing other women to help them with their plight.

Abandoned To Cleaning Tables In Family Pizza Parlor, Staying In A Parking Lot Near Buena Park While Parents and Younger Sister Jet Setted Off to Hawaii in 1973

I'll never forget my Freshman year of high school how my parents and younger sister took off for Hawaii leaving me with grandparents to do their pizza parlor restaurant chores of cleaning tables, etc. I had a treat of playing pinball, but I was all by myself there without kids to play with.  Later the perfume my mother brought home for me from Hawaii was stolen from my high school locker.
They were abusive, they were cruel, they weren't involved in my life just using me as their endless slave, being non-supportive and my enemies. My mother was always looking to getting to the girls I knew at high school wanting to talk about me behind my back she'd force me to have them spend the night. My late sister died over a decade ago.

Summary: 

A Christian mother thinks she's better than me, of higher stature being a Godly woman and because she slaves for her spoiled sons and husband she treats like kings. She raises her divorcee son's grandson giving her even more status in her mind whom she flaunts in videos to the public.  She's outside chopping wood all alone for her household, she's outside mowing a huge lawn, she's painting rooms in her house rather than her husband paying for a professional, she's shoveling snow at 3:00 am and shooting videos of it. Her husband leaves her home while he travels across the states to see a football game during the holidays.

I can only deduce the reason this woman thinks she's better than me and that she's somehow my victim is that serving such arrogant spoiled men gives her special privileges in this society. When I sent her a small gift for Christmas and she cried on video over it, thanking me, how can it be that I suddenly turn her into my victim? So cry me a river, simply for pointing out the truth many men are negligent and insensitive of a woman's emotional needs being users who rely on them so they can feel like kings and princes of their households. It's all about their egos.

Stop Blaming Me As If You're My Victim! 

So don't blame me for pointing out that your husband and sons rely on you like a slave that you've clearly become the man of the household.

I've lived 55 years here on earth, stop viewing people so one dimensionally as if the entire universe revolves around you and your spoiled man king and princes that I'm here at your disposal to play whatever role you want to appoint at-will as if you're an employer.  I don't want the job! I've already paid my dues to women like you many times over and my life's been utterly devastated by it. So stop playing the victim because God knows what I've been through and you won't get away with it. None of these threats to me about "every idle word you speak will be dealt with. . . ." as if you're the center of the universe.

I'm grateful for those Christians who genuinely did something on behalf of Jesus for me, and there have been several including Julie Loomis, Sharon Hutchison and Jennifer Justice from decades ago. Back in the 1980's I needed a couch to sleep on, some groceries and help moving and they all helped as well as exposing me to God's Word and water baptism.  Though they could have picked apart anything I might have done back then since I was slightly disturbed at the time, none of these Christian women held it against me or played the victim.

People who play the role of my victim calling their pals to gang up on me on the Internet get a big because I have a kind giving nature only a manipulative political power hungry person would exploit for their own public benefit.  The male ego spreads into female minds like a virus with great ease. These men are looking for women to support them beyond their wives, that they keep them all on a hierarchical level one beneath the other where the higher one punishes the lower one in order to maintain his manhood and self appointed nobility. Not anymore they don't. Jesus set me free of this nonsense.