Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Anti-Valentine Gifts For Recent Divorcees

Introducing a 9" tall, stuffed cloth Ex-Husband VooDoo Doll ($9.88).  Whenever you feel your ex-husband needs to be punished, use one of the pins to get your way. Stick the pin into the activity that you want your ex-husband to do, and instantly he will stop acting like a jerk and behave properly. (Buy it here)
Simply the best-selling gag gift on the market. WARNING: Only give this to someone with a sense of humor. The USB Humping Dog ($9.95) is available in Doberman, Husky, Boxer, and Beagle for $9.95. (Buy it here)
 Whether you're being eaten alive by angst, or you simply want to show your inner drama queen, this tragic graphic is for you. Perfect for drama and theater buffs!  (Link)
 The girlfriend pillow ($16.95) is a very comfortable pillow that imitates women contour. If you can't sleep without a girlfriend unless you have some breast to support your head, this is the right pillow for you.  (Buy it here)

 Break ups ($ 1.49) may be messy, but this playful, creative kit helps a girl cope with style. The 32-page book offers empowering advice about moving on, and comes with a heart eraser, self-affirming mirror compact with a comb, stickers to "deface" old photographs, a "Do Not Cross" caution tape for tying up the telephone when temptation strikes, and a poster to remind her of the top 10 reasons she is better off without him.
 Sometimes love is grand. But often it is cruel, evil, and cuts like a knife. These candy hearts ($6.99) have some of the most dejected, dysfunctional, and dumped on messages ever, and they make perfect Anti-Valentine gifts.

 Love can certainly turn you into one. Or alternatively, tell the ex-object of your affection how you really feel about her on Valentine's Day! The phrase Cold Hearted Bitch is hand stamped on 3/4" sterling silver hearts.  (Link)

Flowers die. Candy makes you fat. This year save some money by saying no to the greeting card companies conspiracy. If you're one of the millions of people who don't have a date for the 14th, Vitamin Records has your back! This compilation features fourteen hardcore, string quartet tributes to some of emo's most legendary artists ($13.86). Love blows! This doesn't!  (Buy it here)
 It's a wicked cool design for a knife holder and certainly a lot more edgy than the standard old block of wood. The Ex Knife Set ($99.89) is the perfect gift for your friend who just got single!  (Buy it here)

 I'm sure the paranoid schizophrenics will have a field day with this post.